Growing up my (27F) mother, Kimber, made it clear that she loved my twin brother, Jack, more than me and she didn't like having a daughter. Jack was allowed to do whatever he wanted growing up and Kimber still dotes on him. But Kimber didn't support me emotionally and provided me only the bare minimum. She let me know when I was about 9. Find a meditation group. Meditation can be a gentle and effective way to make friends with yourself. As you feel better about yourself, the goodness will spread to your mother. Starting with yourself is most effective. You won't feel trapped by caring for your mother. Soon you will be ready to explore creating a care team or a circle of care so. "I'll be grand, girl, I've great faith," Noelle McCarthy's mother Carol told her just before she died. Raised in the Irish city of Cork, Noelle "ran away" to New Zealand as a young woman, but things changed when her mother gets sick. The writer and broadcaster explores "mothers and daughters, drinking, birth and loss, running away and homecoming" in her new memoir Grand: Becoming My Mother.

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